Who knows? – Some random thoughts on uncertainty.

Queen of nourishment seed.png

“I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.”
Woody Allen

 

“Very few beings really seek knowledge in this world. Mortal or immortal, few really ask. On the contrary, they try to wring from the unknown the answers they have already shaped in their own minds — justifications, confirmations, forms of consolation without which they can’t go on. To really ask is to open the door to the whirlwind. The answer may annihilate the question and the questioner.”
Anne Rice, The Vampire Lestat

 

Who knows?  Who really knows what will happen next? My mind has convinced itself it knows, has created a mini-series of scenarios, all of which I need to prepare for and protect myself from (and which have never really happened as scripted).

Who knows?  I wake up in the morning, full of nameless anxiety, with a sense of impending doom and yet have never bothered to question the source of it.

Who knows?  No, I was never given the Manual to Life. Nor has anyone else, no matter how convincing their outward stance on it may be.

Who knows?  This pain and grieving may tell me that hiding in my safe, dark cave at home is the only option, but who knows how I will feel, who I will meet, what heart connection I may have if I show up in the world. I don’t even know which part of me will show up from moment to moment. Continue reading