It’s easy to be seduced into wanting to be something you are not so as to please others. Life is better when you are gratefully being who you are rather than playing a role for others’ approval.
~ Rev. Dr. Christian Sorensen, Science of Mind magazine
For a long time now I have been wearing a necklace that I made (my own “Soul Piece“) which has the word “Trust” soldered on one side. It was my own touchstone reminder that the Universe is a place to be trusted as a provider of love, abundance and limitless opportunities. It wasn’t until recently that I realized I needed to make a subtle shift to TRUSTING MYSELF.
I was still, in fact, seeing the source of my good as coming from outside of myself. Luckily for me, (although I would’ve slapped you if you’d told me at the time) life kept providing me with unique opportunities to look within. This sometimes came in the form of attracting strong-minded people into my life who I would defer to because I didn’t ultimately feel that what I had to offer was of any value. And they were unconsciously only too happy to oblige by reflecting back that belief.
I no longer agreed with that “reality”. It was a very simple moment when I had the realization that perhaps all those belittling thoughts I had about myself were, in fact, NOT TRUE. It followed that what I had surrounded myself with to support those lies had to shift too (in my case it included a divorce and an actual new living space).
So, it’s all well and good to have that realization but I needed to take it a few steps further:
How could I REALLY love myself. Unconditionally. I mean, still love myself with all my dark, “I-would-rather-die-than-expose-this” bits, my less than savory habits, my falling-quite-short-of-perfection moments.
I have been interested in Tantric philosophy for a while and at first vaguely knew that it promoted heightened sexual experiences with a partner. What I found interesting in reading one of the best-known books in the West on that subject, Margo Anand’s “The Art of Sexual Ecstasy”, that, rather than diving into techniques “à deux“, she spends the first chapter solely talking about “awakening your inner lover.” That to really connect with another, the first loving connection had to be with oneself. So, back to “moi“….
Honestly, this has been one of the most confounding parts of the journey for someone who has a lifetime’s experience of tuning into others, pleasing them, who got major kudos for being “smart” and was adept in many different activities which included speaking several languages. The only way I honestly knew how to love myself was through food (mainly of the sweet and comforting kind). This led to an eating disorder (anorexia and bulimia) and a cycle of self-hatred. And then trying to over-compensate with overachieving.
For the perfectionist in me (many bulimics tend to be), the best way to learn has been through baby steps; small but significant daily shifts:
- Talking to myself more kindly
- Seeing “mistakes” as learning tools rather than character flaws
- Speaking my truth even when it feels uncomfortable
- Forgiving myself (this is MAJOR) for mistakes, in particular when I still every so often dive into the food for solace.
- Looking at myself naked in the mirror and saying “I love you.” (yes, a part of me still cringes at this one).
- Going for a walk in nature.
- Taking a dance class.
The unexpected blessing of this journey has been to finally start to feel the freedom of BEING MYSELF. Allowing myself to fall apart every so often, to present myself to the world in all my messy glory and know that I still have something valuable to contribute. It took so much energy hold up the image of keeping it all together.
I am starting to love myself “from the inside out” as a passionate, emotional, creative, compassionate, “foodie”, confused, mysterious (to myself) imperfect woman. I would LOVE to hear from others about the small ways that they appreciate their uniqueness and treat themselves as they would a beloved.
(Stay tuned for a series that I will be offering in the new year at the Wildflower Spa & Apothecary in Sandpoint, ID entitled: “Awakening Your Inner Lover“).
Post your thoughts on this in the reply box at the bottom of this page,
or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Perfect as an affordable gift, these “seed” pendants are made in fine silver (on a sterling silver chain) with custom symbols and words to plant in your world as reminders of what you are wishing to grow.
It includes a one-hour coaching session (in person or via phone or Skype) to explore what it is that you want to manifest in your life. Available as:
- single seed, one word – $156 (regular price $195)
- full seed pendant, two words- $200 (regular price $250)
NEWS AROUND TOWN
Things are heating up at the Wildflower Spa & Apothecary in Sandpoint, Idaho, where I live. We are forming a collective of talented healers, practitioners, alchemists, skin care specialists, natural hair product specialists, holistic nutritional counselors, life coaches and, of course, yours truly, at Soul Piece Jewelry.
You are invited to our Open House!
December 17, 5 p.m. – 7 p.m.
Enjoy an evening of beauty and wellness with complimentary mini-services, hors d’oeuvres, and specials. As the area’s unique holistic full service spa and wellness center, you are invited to come and experience something extraordinary!
To subscribe, click here SOUL SEED NEWSLETTER