At the beginning of every year I make it an important part of my New Year’s ritual to set aside time to allow my visions and goals to come through for the coming year. This year has been different – in fact, the whole of last year turned my personal life paradigm upside down. It began in January of last year when I revved myself up in typical Titina fashion to inspire and fuel myself with THE NEXT GRAND VISION. And it crashed and burned before it even got off the ground. Not that it wasn’t a feasible or worthy cause. Just that my inner motivation changed. Maybe it’s because I’m approaching 50 this year and the hot fires of my younger years are not as sustainable as they were (well, the recovery time seems to take a lot longer – like recovering from a hangover).
It was a very tough year. I let go of what I thought motivated me – pursuing the creative dream, the next shiny object, the next dopamine-inducing endeavor, I either lost interest quickly, failed to have the enormous energy I’d used in the past to get it off the ground (a lot of “pushing” energy), or it was “taken away” from me. The biggest of all of these was the slow and apparent deterioration of one of the most significant and passionate intimate relationships that I have had in my life with someone I considered to be my soul mate and who I felt would be my last love relationship in this lifetime (the love never deteriorated, just the fantasies and form of expectations I had built around it). Continue reading →
This is a post I began in January and am now picking up again at the beginning of March:
I am unapologetic about the fact that I LOVE a fresh New Year to begin all over again (it surprises even me, with my melancholic tendencies, that I should be such a die-hard optimist). I can already feel the look of superiority on those cynics’ faces, letting me know what a fool’s paradise I’m stepping into yet again. I mean, did those New Year’s Resolutions EVER work out?
This year, however, something shifted. I think that in previous years I may have timidly knocked on the Universe’s door: “Excuse me, if it isn’t too much trouble, could I please have X, Y, Z this year?”
This year, I stepped out boldly and claimed my spot. And I don’t want to knock my previous attempts. They all led me to this place. This place where all the messes, the wrong turns, the “mistakes”, my more-than-human failings, my false starts (I could really get into that one) and procrastinating ploys.
It’s easy to be seduced into wanting to be something you are not so as to please others. Life is better when you are gratefully being who you are rather than playing a role for others’ approval.
~ Rev. Dr. Christian Sorensen, Science of Mind magazine
For a long time now I have been wearing a necklace that I made (my own “Soul Piece“) which has the word “Trust” soldered on one side. It was my own touchstone reminder that the Universe is a place to be trusted as a provider of love, abundance and limitless opportunities. It wasn’t until recently that I realized I needed to make a subtle shift to TRUSTING MYSELF.
I was still, in fact, seeing the source of my good as coming from outside of myself. Luckily for me, (although I would’ve slapped you if you’d told me at the time) life kept providing me with unique opportunities to look within. This sometimes came in the form of attracting strong-minded people into my life who I would defer to because I didn’t ultimately feel that what I had to offer was of any value. And they were unconsciously only too happy to oblige by reflecting back that belief.