self love

Birds of Paradise

~ titinavh ~ 1 Comment

Birds of paradise grayscale seed

 

Some birds are not meant to be caged, that’s all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.

Stephen King, Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption: A Story from Different Seasons

 

In the beginning, you came as a faint echo from far away.  You flew in on a gentle breeze that awakened fierce longings lain dormant for a long time.

You glanced at me. I was ruffled but maintained a coy distance. A mysterious dance of fluttering, hopping, swooping and display.  You beckoned me to fly with you.  And, in a joyously reckless moment, I launched into the unknown, abandoning myself to the call of the wild.

We soared together on sweet-smelling updrafts of delight, giggling and breathless like children, then free-falling in ecstasy.  Finally at home in our very own lush Garden of Eden. For a while, we nested in this intoxicating, dense greenery, shaded from bright sunlight and harsh elements.

But the pull of gravity was always there, reminding us that this garden was forbidden to all but the Gods, and that the abyss was never too far away. What had looked like a double helix of joyful soaring now resembled a dogfight between predator and prey. I chased you in angry despair, you evaded me in painful confusion and shame.

And then you were gone. Where were you?

I saw you reappear and then disappear again through the clouds in the horizon, but I did not follow because somehow I knew I had to let you go. Rich, vibrant color and beauty faded to monochrome gray.  Gravity slowed me down to small, heavy steps that sometimes took such effort that I had to curl up in hibernating sleep. Where was I going?  I didn’t know. The sky felt vast and I felt so small and lacking in direction.  Relentless showers beat down on me and washed layers of grime and grit.

One day I woke up to the pastel light of exhausted peace. You were a faint echo once more. A freshly-scented draft caressed my face and I drew a deep breath that filled my body with clean air.  I spread my wings carefully and found myself lifted into the blue void.

In this new place, I noticed sweet, subtle smells, my eyes caught tiny brilliant flowers nestled in the cracks of the open landscape below me.  The wind lifted me lovingly, as if to remind me that it had been there all along to carry me.  I twirled and danced for the simple joy of it.  This Big Unknown had a presence in it I had not felt before. Your absence no longer felt like a gaping void in my heart, just a soft, beautiful sadness. Moments of gratitude trickled into my heart – you left me so I could feel the Big Love that exists in the simple sacred fact of just Being. I knew that I had done the right thing to let you go.  Love did not have to be chased.  It had never left me.

This is a very personal piece I wrote last year which, only now, did I feel had reached its time to be  published. I hope this speaks to those of you whose soul journey has traveled through the cracking open through heart break to reveal another world.

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SOUL SEED COLLECTIVE is a (hopefully) monthly blog on thoughts and ideas

by Titina van Hoorn from  spj logodark silver nuff sm

Titina van Hoorn is an artist, jeweler, life coach, energy healing practitioner, lover of words, dancer, mother and soul-seeker, who feels passionate about exploring the journey of the soul with all of its twists, turns and mysteries and supporting others who have chosen this rich path.  She can  be reached at titina@soulpiecejewelry.com or in Facebook on her Soul Piece Jewelry page.

 

There are times we need a meaningful TOUCHSTONE to remind us who we truly are and where we want to go during those parts of our life journey when we appear to be lost or in darkness…

My  upcoming “Seed of Potential”  workshop may be for you if  you are interested in creating a talisman for your own sacred soul journey.

For information and tickets, click on the image below:

SoP RebeccaSeed of Potential workshop tickets on Eventbrite

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A New Take on New Beginnings

~ titinavh ~ Leave a comment

ts-painting

At the beginning of every year I make it an important part of my New Year’s ritual to set aside time to allow my visions and goals to come through for the coming year. This year has been different – in fact, the whole of last year turned my personal life paradigm upside down. It began in January of last year when I revved myself up in typical Titina fashion to inspire and fuel myself with THE NEXT GRAND VISION. And it crashed and burned before it even got off the ground. Not that it wasn’t a feasible or worthy cause. Just that my inner motivation changed. Maybe it’s because I’m approaching 50 this year and the hot fires of my younger years are not as sustainable as they were (well, the recovery time seems to take a lot longer – like recovering from a hangover).

It was a very tough year. I let go of what I thought motivated me – pursuing the creative dream, the next shiny object, the next dopamine-inducing endeavor, I either lost interest quickly, failed to have the enormous energy I’d used in the past to get it off the ground (a lot of “pushing” energy), or it was “taken away” from me. The biggest of all of these was the slow and apparent deterioration of one of the most significant and passionate intimate relationships that I have had in my life with someone I considered to be my soul mate and who I felt would be my last love relationship in this lifetime (the love never deteriorated, just the fantasies and form of expectations I had built around it). Continue reading →

Stepping out and stepping in.

~ titinavh ~ Leave a comment

mandala seed2

This is a post I began in January and am now picking up again at the beginning of March:

I am unapologetic about the fact that I LOVE a fresh New Year to begin all over again (it surprises even me, with my melancholic tendencies, that I should be such a die-hard optimist). I can already feel the look of superiority on those cynics’ faces, letting me know what a fool’s paradise I’m stepping into yet again. I mean, did those New Year’s Resolutions EVER work out?

This year, however, something shifted. I think that in previous years I may have timidly knocked on the Universe’s door: “Excuse me, if it isn’t too much trouble, could I please have X, Y, Z this year?”

This year, I stepped out boldly and claimed my spot. And I don’t want to knock my previous attempts. They all led me to this place. This place where all the messes, the wrong turns, the “mistakes”, my more-than-human failings, my false starts (I could really get into that one) and procrastinating ploys.

And then I slammed into a wall of doubt, despair and darkness Continue reading →

Awakening the Inner Lover

~ titinavh ~ 2 Comments

sparkle 2

It’s easy to be seduced into wanting to be something you are not so as to please others. Life is better when you are gratefully being who you are rather than playing a role for others’ approval.

~ Rev. Dr. Christian Sorensen, Science of Mind magazine

Dear Soul-Seeders,

For a long time now I have been wearing a necklace that I made (my own “Soul Piece“) which has the word “Trust” soldered on one side. It was my own touchstone reminder that the Universe is a place to be trusted as a provider of love, abundance and limitless opportunities. It wasn’t until recently that I realized I needed to make a subtle shift to TRUSTING MYSELF.

trust necklaces
“Seeds of Potential” from SOUL PIECE JEWELRY

I was still, in fact, seeing the source of my good as coming from outside of myself. Luckily for me, (although I would’ve slapped you if you’d told me at the time) life kept providing me with unique opportunities to look within. This sometimes came in the form of attracting strong-minded people into my life who I would defer to because I didn’t ultimately feel that what I had to offer was of any value. And they were unconsciously only too happy to oblige by reflecting back that belief.

Until….

Continue reading →